| Extinction
by Charlotte E. Kane <[email protected]> I felt safe with you, Adam. I really did. But then... then so much happened, and I couldn't trust you any more. I wanted to. I wanted to so much. But I couldn't. Everything I knew was telling me that I couldn't trust you. I told you that you didn't make me feel safe anymore, and that was true. You didn't make me feel safe, because now nothing can make me feel safe. Because I don't know anymore. I thought I knew. I thought I knew what was right and what was wrong and who my friends and enemies were. I thought I could trust you with my life, Adam. But I can't trust anyone now. I can't trust you. I can't even trust Maggie. I mean, I thought that I could trust you above everything else, and that you would always be there, and you'd give me strength when I had none. But you didn't. You wouldn't. You're not. And so, I'm alone now. I was with you, but then you went away. I didn't want you to go, Adam, but, at the same time, I did. I wanted you to go because you'd betrayed me and every little voice I could hear was telling me that I just couldn't stay with you and continue to love you after all that you'd done. After you'd lied to me. And I just hated you so must because you didn't make me feel safe anymore and I wanted to feel safe, oh, I wanted to feel safe so much! I wanted to feel the security of your arms around me and to know that you would always be there for me and that you'd always be honest with me and you'd love me, love me unconditionally and completely. I wanted that, Adam, but I couldn't have it, because of what you did. Because you betrayed me and I can never forgive you for what you did. You made me lose faith in you, Adam. You made me lose faith in myself and my own judgements and everything that I thought was sound and true. You were my truth, Adam. You won't understand that, but you were. You were my everything. I loved you above everything else, and I trusted you above everything else, and you let me down. And I need you to know this, because I need you to know what you did to me. I need you to know what happens when someone trusts in you completely and then you do something to break that trust. When YOU broke that trust, Adam. It's because you did this to me that I'm now doing this. Say I'm a coward if you will. Maybe I am. But you are my everything, and now that you've left me, I have nothing left. You went and took everything with you. My life is shattered into a million tiny pieces that I know that there's no reason to try to put it back together again. It's beyond repair. This is all I have to say. I thought it would be fitting to use your gun. After you handed it back, Tom put it in the locked drawer. I stole the key. I imagine that if the boss ever finds out, he'll kill me. But by then, it'll be a bit late, won't it? This is me, Dash McKinley, signing off. That sounds nice and professional, doesn't it? But somehow I don't think that putting a gun in your mouth and pulling the trigger is very professional, do you? Ha. I'm feeling almost witty. What a strange mood to be in when you end your own life. But I guess it's about time I laughed, even if it is a bitter laugh. I haven't laughed at all since you left, Adam... Goodbye, Adam.
Dash. - end - |
